The impact of artificial virginity kit - Be Virgin

Good day, girls. So far, so good. Whether you’ve recently (or not so recently) lost your hymen, unintentionally ruined it, or left it a tear, we’ve got the product for you. This fantastic artificial virginity kit will restore the little scrap of the membrane that you sorely lack. No, we’re not joking; you can’t make up things this bizarre.

In a nutshell, this is a delicate sachet of simulated blood that you inject into your vagina like a diaphragm, and then it dissolves or “tears” during sex. Get some fun!

On their website (Virginitynow.com – yeah, really!), the Australian makers of this little gem of artificial virginity medicine and products pledge to “restore your virginity in five minutes with this innovative technologically sophisticated product.” Kiss your deep dark secret goodbye and marry with assurance.”

The Hymen Repair Kit is available in variouscolours, including the fiery ‘Joan of Arc Red’ (pictured) and others such as ‘Dusty Outback Ochre,’ ‘Aeroplane Jelly Raspberry,’ and ‘Lady Macbeth Crimson.’ (Okay, we made up those colours, so you get the idea.)

The only choice is to become a missionary. There is no need for the Funny Business during the delicate deflowering period. I shriek-yodel question after question as soon as he walks in: Can you have a sense of it? Is it disgusting? Is it painful? Can we call it a day? Are we splitting up? Are you upset with me? What are you contemplating? What for right now? Can you have a sense of it? What for right now? I sound like a turkey squawking.

Leah describes their crotches after the deed as “looking like the inside of a lava lamp.” So, maybe the effects are a bit TOO dramatic?

What is the global significance of Repair Kit for Hymens?

Of course, this is the larger question – virginity is a matter of considerable importance in certain countries worldwide. Women have been murdered for even less. Some Muslim countries have attempted to ban the importation of the Artificial Hymen Kit, but that is a topic for another post.

But what about the Australian market? We don’t see a rush to buy fake hymens. Will you like to put a slice of red cellophane up your cervix to sell the “thrill” of first-time sex? We surveyed the workplace, and only a few women raised their hands to relive the virginity-losing moment.

So, if you’re bored in the bedroom, skip the whole re-enacting-your-virginity thing (regardless of the bargain basement price) and go for something like an artificial virginity kit.